


kicking you out

by lilyjpotter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, Modern AU, Multi, Radio Hosts AU, Social Media AU, texting au, twitter au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 23:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10292384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyjpotter/pseuds/lilyjpotter
Summary: the lot of them host a radio show, it's just as bad as you'd expect





	

_James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted:_ thanks for tuning in last night! check us out next week when we’ll be discussing whether sand dollars should be a viable form of currency

 _Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted:_ james no one cares about ur stupid fuckin radio show

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted:_ ur the co-host

 _Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted:_ i dont see how thats a relevant piece of information

* * *

 _Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) tweeted:_ @jimsradio why do you have pine trees listed as your topic for next week

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted:_ why not

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted:_ theyr an important part of our capitalist, consumer-driven society

 _Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted:_ is this just because you couldn’t come up with a better topic

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted:_ r u insinuating that i had no ideas and decided on pine trees bc there happens to be one outside peters bedroom window

 _Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted:_ yes

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted:_ fair

* * *

 _James Potter to radioheads:_ how about we have remus as our special guest next week

 _Sirius Black:_ i have legitimately never heard of a worse idea

 _Remus Lupin:_ good luck driving yourself to the lido next week then dickhead

 _Sirius Black:_ i already lost that job

 _Remus Lupin:_ why am i not surprised

 _Sirius Black:_ jokes on u lupin, ur the one who’s been driving me 40 minutes out of your way every morning for nothing

 _Remus Lupin:_ fucker

* * *

 _Remus Lupin to James Potter:_ we need more advertising

 _James Potter:_ ?? we have plenty of advertising

 _Remus Lupin:_ we have the same ad for your dad’s hair gel playing every break on a ten minute loop

 _James Potter:_ ?? what’s ur point

* * *

 _Peter Pettigrew to james you know i love monty but we need more advertising:_ guys 2, 141 people listened in last week

 _Remus Lupin:_ are you kidding

 _James Potter:_ result!!!!

 _Sirius Black:_ was that the one where we talked about freaks  & geeks conspiracy theories

 _Remus Lupin:_ no that was the one where you talked about crunchy chips vs squishies

 _Remus Lupin:_ do you even listen to the show

 _Sirius Black:_ im the co-host thank you very much

 _Remus Lupin:_ could’ve fooled me

_Sirius Black has removed Remus Lupin from the chat._

* * *

_Sirius Black (@blacksheep) tweeted:_ @petepettigrew i still cant believe u prefer squishies to crunchies

 _Peter Pettigrew (@petepettigrew) retweeted:_ what? Their more flavoursome

* * *

 _James Potter to Sirius Black:_ remus has been our special guest for the past five episodes i think we need someone new

 _Sirius Black:_ what about pete

 _James Potter:_ pete does sound

 _Sirius Black:_ then get someone else to do sound

 _James Potter:_ u, my friend, are a genius

* * *

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted:_ we need someone with tech experience to do our sound booth pls and thank

* * *

 _Peter Pettigrew to fifa plays would make a shitty topic:_ I thought I was sound technician??

 _James Potter:_ u can still be sound technician we’re just having u as our special guest

 _Sirius Black:_ im not sure i can handle having a special guest who thinks squishies r better than crunchies

 _James Potter:_ ??? u were the one who suggested pete in the first place

 _Sirius Black:_ i was?? funny that

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ i hate u all

* * *

 _Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted:_ @jimsradio i have two years worth of tech experience and can do friday evenings if ur still looking for a sound technician

* * *

 _James Potter to shitdick central™:_ holy shit check out the chick who just applied for techie

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ who is she

 _Remus Lupin:_ lily evans

 _Remus Lupin:_ she had her own radio show a couple of years back with this really awful guy

 _Remus Lupin:_ it was really popular

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ the radio show or the guy

 _Remus Lupin:_ ?? the radio show

 _Remus Lupin:_ the guy turned out to be a massive racist

 _Remus Lupin:_ in her last interview she called him ‘an abusive fuckface’

 _Sirius Black:_ i say we hire her

 _James Potter:_ seconded

* * *

 _Remus Lupin to James Potter:_ is the only reason you want to hire her is because you think she’s hot

 _James Potter:_ do you really think i’m that shallow

 _Remus Lupin:_ yes

* * *

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted:_ @liljane you’re hired. i’ll dm you the details

* * *

 _Sirius Black to i’m not shallow remus i just have an appreciation for the finer things in life:_ i cant believe that you both literally and figuratively slid into her dm’s

 _James Potter:_ im blocking u

* * *

 _James Potter to what the fuck is an aardvark anyway:_ that went rather well if you ask me

 _Sirius Black:_?? it was a fucking atrocity

 _Sirius Black:_ you were staring at her the whole time

 _James Potter:_ no i wasn’t

 _Remus Lupin:_ you missed five of your queues

 _James Potter:_ ok, so maybe i was a little off

 _Sirius Black:_ there were more awkward silences than that one time peter tried to pick up rosmerta at the three broomsticks

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ you promised you wouldn’t bring that up again!!

 _Sirius Black:_ sry pete, desperate times call for desperate measures

* * *

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted:_ make sure to check us out at our new time of 7:00pm fridays!!

 _Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted:_ you do realise no-one actually watches this show

 _Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted:_ he’s right you know

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) retweeted:_ i hate both of u

* * *

 _Lily Evans to James Potter:_ can u stop making jokes about lamps

 _James Potter:_ i don’t know what u filamean

* * *

 _Peter Pettigrew to wes anderson is better than quentin taratino and you know it james:_ ALMOST 10K PEOPLE LISTENED IN LAST NIGHT

 _James Potter:_ HOLY SHIT

 _Lily Evans:_ james u owe me $50 and your 1st edition copy of the great gatsby

 _James Potter:_ i’d rather die

 _Lily Evans:_ then die, jim

 _Remus Lupin:_ christ

 _Sirius Black:_  u called??

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ what even is this group chat

* * *

 _James Potter to Lily Evans:_ was that u tearing up i saw in the sound booth when i was reading out my piece about foreshadowing in the simpsons

 _Lily Evans:_ i was tearing up over how bad it was

 _Lily Evans:_ there was something in my eye

 _Lily Evans:_ i think it was your complete lack of a writing style

 _James Potter:_ stop it

* * *

 _Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted:_ petition to kick sirius out of the group chat bc he won’t stop talking about scooby doo conspiracy theories at 3am

 _Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted:_ i can scooby do what i want

 _Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted:_ blocked

* * *

 _James Potter to Sirius Black:_ WHERE ARE YOU WE’RE ON IN 5

 _James Potter:_ sirs

 _James Potter:_ where r you

 _Sirius Black:_ ran in tp regulus at the cineplex

 _James Potter:_ where are you now

 _Sirius Black:_ field next to cneplex

 _James Potter:_ don’t move

* * *

 _James Potter (@jimsradio)_ _tweeted:_ sorry that there was no show this week folks!! sirius got mauled by a bear and i had to drive up to toronto to help amputate his right arm

 _Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted:_ @jimsradio who’s going to wank you off now

 _Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted:_ @remuslupout bitch im left-handed

* * *

 _Sirius Black to velma, daphne and fred:_ i’m sure evans would do it for you james

 _Lily Evans:_ you want to lose the other arm black

* * *

 _Peter Pettigrew to cry me a river lupin:_ maybe we should make our group chats accessible to the public to get more hits

 _James Potter:_ i would but no one wants to see screenshots of sirius in a bra

 _Sirius Black:_ by no-one do you mean everyone

* * *

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted:_ thank you guys so much for 20k hits the other night!! more content coming

* * *

 _Sirius Black to bitches bitchin:_ GRAHAM NORTON TONIGHT BITCHES

 _Lily Evans:_ are you sober

 _Sirius Black:_ am i ever sober

 _Lily Evans:_ good point

* * *

 _James Potter to sirius stop changing the group chat name while graham is in the middle of asking you questions:_ i think that went well

 _Lily Evans:_ james im leaving you for graham norton

 _Sirius Black:_ not if i leave him first

* * *

 _Severus Snape (@halfbloodprince) tweeted:_ @jimsradio feel like keeping your hands off my co-host you wanker??

* * *

 _James Potter to i haven’t been able to listen to eyes on fire by blue foundation since they played it over bella and ryan’s scene in eyewitness:_ how are we gonna handle this

 _James Potter:_ my vote is firmly rooted in manslaughter

 _Lily Evans:_ leave it to me

 _Lily Evans:_ but keep manslaughter as a backup

* * *

 _Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted:_ @halfbloodprince i wonder what it’d be like to not be so ridiculously self-involved as to impose yourself where you’re strictly not wanted?

 _Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted:_ @halfbloodprince stay out of my life or you’ll be receiving numerous calls from my lawyer

* * *

 _Lily Evans to manslaughter: yes or no:_ its sorted

 _Sirius Black:_ you don’t even have a lawyer

 _Lily Evans:_ he doesn’t know that

* * *

 _James Potter to Lily Evans:_ whats a rlly interesting and extensive subject we could cover this week

 _Lily Evans:_ milk

 _James Potter:_ excellent

* * *

 _Lily Evans to tangled is so much better than frozen:_ im at the studio and i have liquor

 _Sirius Black:_ be there in 5

 _Peter Pettigrew:_ can u pick me up

 _Sirius Black:_ McNo™

 _Remus Lupin:_ i regret the day i gave u that keyboard shortcut

 _Sirius Black:_ i dont

* * *

 _James Potter to Lily Evans:_ r u ok

 _Lily Evans:_ fine just sistet stuff

 _James Potter:_ u sound trashed

 _Lily Evans:_ thsts bc i Am

 _James Potter:_ where r u

 _Lily Evans:_ blcony

 _Lily Evans:_ jim

 _Lily Evans:_ can u tak e me hpme

 _Lily Evans:_ jaems

 _Lily Evans:_ i love you

* * *

 _Lily Evans to James Potter:_ what did i say last night

 _James Potter:_ nothing its fine

 _James Potter:_ don’t worry about it

 _Lily Evans:_ i am worried about it

 _James Potter:_ don’t be

 _James Potter:_ see you at work

* * *

 _Remus Lupin to James Potter:_ whats goin on between u two

 _James Potter:_ ???

 _Remus Lupin:_ you know what i mean

 _Remus Lupin:_ you keep looking at her and looking away

 _Remus Lupin:_ she keeps forgetting to give you your queues

 _James Potter:_ probably distracted by that hickey on your neck

 _Remus Lupin:_ i TOLD you i FELL OVER

* * *

 _Lily Evans (@liljane) tweeted:_ thank you guys so much for 100k! i’ve made @jimsradio promise to change his username if we make it to 1mil in the next two months

 _Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted:_ he should change it to @wanker

 _Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted:_ i checked its already taken by @halfbloodprince

* * *

 _Sirius Black to james potter and co:_ can you and evans stop eye-fucking during the sets

_James Potter changed the chat name to i dont know what you’re talking about._

_Sirius Black changed the chat name to yes u do._

_James Potter changed the chat name to do not._

_Sirius Black changed the chat name to do too._

_James Potter changed the chat name to do not._

_Remus Lupin:_ you guys know she’s getting all of these right

 _James Potter:_ shit

* * *

 _Lily Evans to James Potter:_ u have something u want to tell me

 _James Potter:_ i’d rather do it in person,,,,,if thats ok

 _Lily Evans:_ only if we announce our engagement during a set

 _James Potter:_ deal

* * *

 _James Potter (@jimsradio) tweeted:_ we hit 1mil! also @liljane and i are fucking

 _Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted:_ about time

 _Sirius Black (@blacksheep) retweeted:_ you don’t say

 _Remus Lupin (@remuslupout) retweeted:_ i do say

 _Peter Pettigrew (@petepettigrew) retweeted:_ im blocking both of u

 _Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted:_ r u gonna hold up your end of the bargain @jimsradio

_James Potter changed his username to @lilandjimsradio._

_Lily Evans (@liljane) retweeted:_ nice


End file.
